Hi, my name is Nick and I can predict the future.

A couple years from now I’m going to start a business smuggling LifeAsNick.com stories over the Mexican border. In case you don’t also have the dreams where you see the future, LifeAsNick.com is a web-based drug that will infect millions of internet viewers in the year twenty ten. My site has the ability to cure cancer*, stupidity, HIV, and acne. It quickly becomes approved by the FDA and becomes so popular that my stories replace the Euro as the world’s currency.

BUT… several years after LifeAsNick.com’s public adoption and widespread internet viewership, dangerous side effects become apparent. Users of this web site lose control of their bladders permanently from laughing non-stop and female readers have a sudden desire to develop immense feelings for pleasuring me sexually. Also, whenever Saved By The Bell re-runs air on TBS, LifeAsNick.com readers go into a trance-like state and kill rival internet writers, geriatric human wastelands, and pro-lifers that support the death penalty. Thus leaving me to reign supreme over the interwebs as it’s newest commissioner of offensive and random mindfuckery.

Soon, LifeAsNick.com will be outlawed despite its demand by the public. People will take to the streets carrying stories from LifeAsNick.com on horseback and smuggle them into major cities by stuffing index cards with my words of wisdom into their rectums. It actually becomes quite a profitable business. So profitable in fact, that I, Nick Sterling, retire in a lavish abode overlooking the Pacific Ocean with my three wives: Vanessa Hudgens, Natalie Portman, and by then, a legal Miley Cyrus.

I’m also a top ten fugitive on the FBI’s Most Wanted list.

Contact!

Contact

If you feel compelled to stalk me or send me marriage proposals in order to obtain your citizenship and you fit the qualifications outlined in my Girlfriend Criteria, then please feel free to fill out my Girlfriend Application. I may not be God’s gift to women or maybe I am, but it’s up to you to find out! (Also, those allegations about me molesting a flamingo at the zoo are completely false. It was consensual).

Twitter me (http://twitter.com/lifeasnick)

Socially network with me via Myspace here (http://www.myspace.com/dpxnick)

Email me here (nick.at.lifeasnick.com)

-Nick

• This web site cannot actually cure cancer. In fact, I think it causes it. Sorry for any misunderstanding.