Happy 4/20 to everyone of my friends that enjoys weed.

I use to smoke back in 2001/2002/2003 but it was never one of those drugs that tickled my fancy. I’d get too introspective or laugh too much and neither are bad traits, but I’m already super perceptive and I tend to laugh all the time anyways. I joke with my friends and strangers I meet that I’m “retired” from weed smoking. Besides, I enjoy other types of drugs, namely alcohol and pure, uncut Peruvian cocaine. And if hookers were a drug I’d overdose on them.

4/20 itself was pretty much created by stoners so I don’t know how well thought out it is. Wikipedia has some interesting viewpoints about the originality of 4/20. Personally, I think it’s unfair to all other purveyors of anti-sobriety that only one subculture of drug use gets a semi national holiday. How come alcoholics don’t have a day of celebration to torch their livers? Cocaine users? Even our bewildered and often times confused zombies of huffing industrial strength cleaning products need a day to eradicate their brain cells.

WHUT ABOUT MEEE????

So I, Nick Sterling, propose the following days be observed for alcoholics, tweakers, sniffers, crankers, huffers, dragon-chasers, pill poppers, and other connoisseurs of illegal narcotic use:

May 26th – National Alcoholics Day (named in lieu of me, Nick Sterling, on my birthday)

February 1st – Cocaine Appreciation Day (falling on Rick James’ birthday, our mascot of cocaine abuse)

January 4th – Known on the streets as 1/4 – as in you’ll have 1/4th of your brain left if you huff paint/sniff intoxicants all day.

October 31st -  National Scare The Fuck Out Of Normal People Day for acid, PCP, meth, & DTM junkies.

I suck at Photoshop

I thought of making up dates for ecstacy users, shroom heads, and heroin addicts but something tells me those types of people don’t care about special days to get high, they tend to do it whenever they can anyways. And if you pop pills, just keep popping ‘em. Every day is a good day for Oxycontin. Any day without it is hell. I’ve seen enough Intervention’s to know about the withdrawals of that shit.

Hopefully fellow readers you can all support me on creating new days in which to further do harm to our bodies. Besides, the drug cartels need your support. Without you, the ambitious and dedicated drug user, they won’t make any money and a poor drug cartel is an unhappy drug cartel. And I’m sure you watch enough CNN and MSNBC to know what cranky drug cartel leaders do to people who don’t want to use their smuggled contraband. It’s not pretty.