One of my good friends is a notary of republic.

That means, whatever I say or demand can be notarized because she’s awesome and I’m original. So utilizing this type of legality, I had a ‘Girlfriend Criteria’ list notarized. I can’t even describe the humor of having a girl read these out loud. Now some of these are written in jest while the good majority of them are standard requirements that most females tend to lack, and well, I won’t have any of that. I demand only the best for me. I only wish I thought of this when I was 18 and naive. Oh well. Better late than never, right?

Here’s the criteria:

And here’s the notary paperwork:

Boooyah! Feel free to create your own criteria, fellas.