My dick is the best girlfriend, best friend, and sexual partner I’ve ever have. It doesn’t lie, cheat, or steal. It’s always hanging around and constantly provides me with pleasure. It gives me attention whenever I need it and doesn’t hesitate to rise to the occasion. My dick is my own BFF!
My dick only requires what I require: warm shelter, some loving attention, and a little grooming. It doesn’t yell, argue, or accuse me of anything. In fact, it obeys my every command even before I command it. This can be a little embarrassing at times but the pay off is always worth it. And if not, that cute blond bartender at the local bar knows I think she is fuck material by the massive bulge in my jeans.
My dick spreads the love and it always pays off. Literally. It’s not a behemoth, giant monster cock nor is it an Asian-manufactured number two pencil. It’s not average, but it’s not John Holmes-sized. It’s not Ron Jeremy-sized, either. I’d say it’s in a class of it’s own. I wouldn’t be surprised if my one eye’d yogurt spitter was ValDICKtorian of it’s class. My dick was always one length ahead of his peers.
[EDITOR/NICK NOTE] I should really stop letting my boner type for me… valDICKtorian? Pssh. Sometimes that little motherfucker has a mind of it’s own, and not a very clever one at that.
My dick is a full service pleasure utensil. It has serviced 12 and a half vaginas and loved only two of them. This puts my dick in it’s prime, no where ready for Viagra, but no where near the quick trigger associated with youthful inexperience, either.
My dick and I have good conversation. Actually, I do all the talking. He’s more of the ’silent but deadly’ type. As I’m talking about how awesome I am my dick looks up at me with his mouth open and appreciates my model-like complexion. I can tell he is happy being my partner in crime, even when I take him to Tijuana and introduce him to Lupita and her $6/hr rented hotel room. He’s a trooper… that dick of mine.
My dick has been inside of models. It’s been inside some girls that thought they were models and it’s been in places it shouldn’t have been, like Lupita. My dick is very well cultured. From Mexicans to blond bombshells to Native Americans and even some underage— wait, we’ll stop there. Apparently, my dick has a non-disclosure policy. Forget I even mentioned that last part.
Overall, my dick is an amazing hanging extension of my awesomeness.
But enough about my baby hose. I’ve built it up enough. I meant that literally. Now I need to tame this boner beast with a familiar anecdote: high speed internet porn. TEEN BABYSITTERS HERE I COME! (I meant that one literally, too).
