I like girls. And I like dogs. Some times they are really stupid, but I guess that applies to both. Some will drink out of the toilet and lick your face and suddenly run towards the door at full speed and slam into it. AND DOGS will usually piss you off once or twice a day, but the love they give is unconditional, thus making them man’s best friends. Take note, ladies.
What I don’t understand is why girls tend to flock to the ankle biting, yippy-yappy dogs that are about as useless as a tit on a fish. From my perspective, seven out of ten girls prefer chihuahuas or dog’s the size of a jungle rat. That’s a waste of dog. I almost get hungry and want to cook it Michael Vick status.
"WHATCHU KNOW ABOUT COOKIN DOG, NUKKAH?" -Michael Vick, former dog killer
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WASTE OF DOG… OR TAIWANESE TACO MEAT??
Really? You want this fucking thing? I'd punt it like a Nerf football and laugh like a drunken hyena afterwards.
Chihuahuas shake like a tree branch in a hurricane, uncontrollably bark at anything, and constantly try to undermine gravity by tripping you and than barking at you when you fall down the stairs. Fuck that noise! If I’m going to get a dog, I’m going to get a real dog. Fuck designer dogs. If I wanted something that size, I’d get a cat. At least a cat shits in-doors and doesn’t fucking bother me with it’s bullshit. I can appreciate that.
I can also appreciate blowjobs, too.
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SIBERIAN HUSKY
GERMAN SHEPHERD
There’s a reason the police use this breed of dog to chew the nuts off criminals douchebags worldwide. It’s because these dogs CHEW THE NUTS OFF PEOPLE WHO DON’T FUCKING RESPECT THEM! Also, they are pretty damn smart. If I had to choose between any Hollywood starlet or a German Shepherd, I’d take the dog. Honestly, these are the most loyal dogs in the world. My good friend, Pete, has one and his GS is absolutely amazing. Plus, they kick ass and take names later. Kinda like Duke Nukem, but with four legs.
WILD AUSTRALIAN DINGO
When little Ms. Tinseltits is carrying her pocket chihuahua in her $3,400 Fendi purse, you’ll be roaming the late night streets with your dingo. So when your neighbors ask, “what kind of dog is that?”, you can say, “The kind that will eat your children if they don’t stay off my lawn. It’s a wild dingo, dipshit. It typically hunts kangaroos and horses in coordinated attacks. So your kid is easy prey. More or less, a snack. Got it, neighbor? SO STAY THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!!”. Yeah bitch, get off my lawn!
Now, those are types of dogs girls SHOULD get. The type of dog that senses danger and reacts. Not the type of dog that responds by running away, barking at the wall, and annoying other people. Nobody wants a shaking jungle rat the size of an alarm clock. Well, aside from stupid girls who feel the need to control things much smaller than them.
Get smart girls… get a real dog… before my dog eats your dog for breakfast.
